And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
