Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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