I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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