In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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