i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
