How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
