Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize