last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
