is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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