there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
