I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
