I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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