how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
