I think I died a long time ago.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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