White coat. Heels.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
