So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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