It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
