you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
