There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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