how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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