put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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