If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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