this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
