Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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