would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
