All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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