remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
