We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
