dude i'm inner monologue high
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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