We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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