Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
