I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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