there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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