Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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