Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
