I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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