one might say we're banned from that church
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize