I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
