i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
