Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
