Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
