she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
