no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
