alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
