Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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