I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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