my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
