Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
