just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
