google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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