hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is Oprah even human
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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