The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
