Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
