I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
