The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
