I just pynch a tree in the face
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
