in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
