One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
