Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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