Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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