She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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