I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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