Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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