Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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