i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
