I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
