Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
