his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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