i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
