I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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