I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
do nipples grow back?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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