do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
