we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
